Assault American Gladiators - To celebrate one of the best TV shows of all time, we've ranked every Gladiator episode. Except for the eraser, of course.
American Gladiator may be the pinnacle of television. It takes the best parts of sports and the best parts of wrestling and combines them into one hour of digestible, action-packed entertainment. So let's take a look and relive every non-Eliminator event on the show.
Assault American Gladiators
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Liveblogging The American Gladiators Premiere
The bottom of the list is littered with half-baked events from the 2008 reboot, all of which probably seemed like great ideas on paper at the time. Like Earthquake, a gladiator must fight a challenger from an inclined platform and in water. A suspended platform is an exception, meaning a cable that competitors can hang from. Wow! I hope you like the people you put around, America!
The episode isn't too bad in theory, but it's kind of boring and stupid to watch. It seems like there's no way anyone could run into one of those kittens, but I'd be confused.
It's a toss-up with Gladiator on a higher platform, so obviously their strength and size will negate their advantage. The video comes from Gladiator Australia and makes the event even more exciting as Australians are calling it. Don't be fooled.
What a terrible, engineering accident. The name and concept seem to mostly revolve around those chains, but there doesn't seem to be much resistance in play. I expect people flying on boards to lose traction and face rather than "small resistance". The show wasn't called American Rebels. Coming this fall on TNT, Ray Romano and Scott Bakula star.
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I don't know what's going to happen in this event, but at least it involves freediving muscles and the risk of falling into the water. Well, it's not a tug-of-war.
This event is actually quite difficult and scary. It's something you can easily see in American Ninja Warrior today, which is pretty cool.
Atlas, perhaps the iconic event of American Gladiators, has honestly always been kind of sketchy. It was almost impossible to score, no one knew how to get up from that little octagon to activate the sensors, - like in the video above - even with a two-thirds advantage, didn't the competitors have them? I don't know how to keep the gladiators from teaching.
Gladiators Collection Of Toys
I only rate this high because it has the "seeing the guy flexing" element that Atlas lacks, which is a parody of American football and amateur wrestling that makes no more sense in retrospect. Why should they carry legal football? Why isn't it just dumbbells? Nobody knows.
It's actually a prelude to the Guts Bungee basketball thing, but it works much better than Rocket Ball, as in the clip above, and sometimes Gladiator can take a guy out for a fight due to his skill.
The event was much, much better than I remembered. He also lends himself to great moments like referees admonishing Gladiators for kicking out competitors for no reason.
Simply elegant. There's nothing quite like watching someone try to outrun four guys in big boxing gloves. I used to watch shows like nothing.
The Definitive Ranking Of All 16 American Gladiators Events
Fraud is a big deal. It's a combination of something really difficult (the stickiness of the cover) with strategy (try to move and avoid the gladiator) and raw power (try to be dragged to the ground by the gladiator's unforgiving cover).
Better than a memorable episode and funny as hell. Check out Gladiator, where a man falls down a 45-foot pyramid. Wheeeeee!
This event is ranked high only because of the combination of how funny it looks and how completely pointless it is. Velcro and reverse are two hallmarks of the 90s.
I honestly thought Powerball was going to be another "not as good as you think" event like the Atlas. But look at Ted Papenhagen and Tommy Knox's absolute mastery of trying to squeeze football into the pipeline. Even typing that sentence would get me fired.
American Gladiators Sega Mega Drive
It doesn't get much credit, but it's exciting and surprising. Bonus points out that "having a bone" is a selling point, and is somehow shamefully unworldly.
Perhaps the most famous of the American Gladiator events. 20 years later, the appeal of the two men hitting each other with the old Q-Tip is still strong.
Try to climb the wall before the stereotypical man grabs your leg and turns it into nothing. We've all had that nightmare.
Jump rope and punch someone in the face. Stop drilling, American Gladiators, you're screwed.
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It must be attacked. It was always an attack. Easily the best unmissable episode of American Gladiator and an event I've experienced, I'm always excited with anticipation. The clip above has a weird pump gun at the end, but it will always be a softball in my heart.
And no one wanted to aim the cannon. Not ever. Raise your hands and pray.
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